Things I Gone And Done: The Most Fire #Online #Content Of 2K15

2015 is over! My job entails having a vague awareness of most of the things that are going on and writing Hot Takes about them if required, so here is my definitive Take on the year: it was stressful and all kinds of awful garbage happened in the world but it was also pretty good sometimes I guess? Three stars, David.

Speaking of Takes, I cranked out an awful lot of them last year. At last count I'd written more than 1,100 things for noted #online #youth #space Junkee dot com, which is faintly ridiculous and gives you an idea of how little I exist outside my job. Guessing, I'd say more than half of those are dumb little write-ups of movie trailers and recaps of Waleed Aly saying things, but there's a pretty solid amount of meatier stuff in there too. 

Junkee articles usually only get a few days before being sucked into the giant landfill of old internet content, so I've dragged some of my favourite pieces of the year out from the archives and put them here. It's like sticking your kid's crappy drawing on the fridge, only I am a grown adult and you can't take this validation away from me, Mum. 

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'Twitter’s Dad Culture Is Absolutely Glorious And You Need To Be A Part Of It' - One of my first write-ups of 2015, this was a wondrous voyage to find the best of the internet's Dads. What a way to kick off the year.

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'The New $24 Billion Fighter Jets Are Garbage. Let’s Build A Fleet Of Skywhales Instead.' - I did far too much genuine research on how much building 70,000 Skywhales would cost than anyone should. Still waiting to hear back from Defence.

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'A Cloud Of Drunken Ronald McDonalds Has Descended On Inner Sydney And We Are All Completely Doomed' - Writing about aggressively stupid things in a weirdly Lovecraftian style is never not funny and if you disagree we can't be friends.

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'Tony Abbott’s “Don’t Work On Weekends” Comment Is Everything That’s Wrong With The Government' - Tone was an inexhaustible source of angry-leftie content this year. Now that he's gone it's genuinely harder to make people care about stuff.

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'Here Are Some Of The Most Hilarious April Fools’ Day Pranks Australia’s Politicians Pulled Today' - This is a bit out-of-date, but I did call Christopher Pyne "a writhing sack of poisonous lizards wearing a human face made out of potato skins," so there's that.

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'Subtle Design Changes To Australia’s Inner Cities Are Making Life Harder For The Homeless' - Hostile architecture and the mindset behind it is revolting.

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'The Daily Telegraph Thinks This Young Woman With Six Properties Is “Proof” That Anyone Can Do It' - Tone may be gone, but the Tele still provides a steady stream of wrongheaded garbage to get angry about. Also, lamenting the Sydney property market fires the punters up like nothing else.

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The Labor Party National Conference, Parts 1 and 2 - Junkee sent me down to Melbourne in July to indulge my weird obsession with how dysfunctional and strange the Labor Party is. It was fun! I got a cold and ate lots of crappy convention centre sandwiches.

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'The Daily Telegraph Bravely Tells A 12-Year-Old Girl With Two Mums That She’s “Not Normal”' - For some reason, I found that whole Gayby Baby thing more infuriating than any of the myriad other awful things that happened this year. Fuck the Telegraph.

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'An Exhaustive, Deeply Sombre Round-Up Of People Making Fun Of Peter Dutton' - Nothing brings me more joy than pointing out the ways in which Peter Dutton is the human equivalent of a used teatowel. Nothing.

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'If We’re Serious About Combating Violence Against Women, We Can’t Ignore The Culture Of Our Politics' - A lot of our pollies have some pretty warped ideas about domestic violence, and they don't get called out on it often enough.

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'Philip Ruddock Sure Is Amazing On Twitter. He’s Also Trashed Human Rights And Marriage Equality.' - This piece was pretty media-insidery, but it captured a lot of my unease about writing stuff that's a little too friendly towards politicians who play the social-media angle for their own ends.

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'Student Politicians At Sydney Uni Went Freaking Berserk Last Night. Meet Your Future Leaders.' - Sledging dreadful student politicians seems useless now, but in thirty years when they're Cabinet ministers it'll be nice having their gronkdom on record.

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'If We’re Serious About Domestic Violence, We Need To End The Policies That Kill Aboriginal Women' - On Ms Dhu, and the federal and state government policies that put Aboriginal women in danger.

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'No, “White Student Unions” Aren’t Suddenly Cropping Up At Australian Universities' - A bunch of media outlets fell for some Astroturfed white supremacy troll pages. It was dumb.

That's it! Here's to another fourteen million Takes in 2016, and the slow erasure of my personality outside my professional life. 

oh wow this is exciting isn't it

Hey hey hey hey HEY. How you goin'.

This page is literally just a list. It is not a supes happening place to be. It's mainly for my benefit, so I have a record of what got published where, and for my mum so she can find my articles without having to navigate the Interwebs too much. Hi mum! Yes, I'm doing fine. No, I'm not too cold.

Junkee

The Star Observer

Honi Soit

Daily Life -

 

what a thrillride that was

coast to coast action

just, almost, TOO intense

so much creative output alex, how do you do it even

alright we should probably stop this

alright i'm gonna go

alright