Song titles that The National haven't used yet but definitely will

(I’m very excited that The National are releasing a new album but the track listing made me think about how every National song, by law, must have at least one (1) quietly desperate woman eating her heart out in a freezing, immaculate house in the suburbs)

- ‘A Thousand Thousand Beautiful Women Are Eating Me Very Slowly’

- ‘Sitting Fully Clothed At The Bottom Of A Swimming Pool (Men Don’t Express Emotions)’

- ‘Our Crumbling Marriage Is A Metaphor For America Somehow’

- ‘Los Angeles Doesn’t Depress Me Anymore’

- ‘Ennui In A Flyover State’

- ‘It’s Not Alcoholism If You Look Good In Vests’

- ‘You Never Knew My Dick, Sharon’

- ‘My Head Fell Off’

- ‘Severely Repressed But Very Elegant About it’

- A woman’s name that no-one uses anymore, like ‘Clementine’ or ‘Blanche’

- Something that almost sounds like a man’s name but isn’t quite, like ‘Barrick’ or ‘Justophen’

- (unintelligible baritone mumbling)